


hold on till may

by lostin_space



Category: Roswell New Mexico (TV 2019)
Genre: Alex Manes Needs a Hug, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-24
Updated: 2020-05-24
Packaged: 2021-03-03 10:00:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,399
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24349156
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lostin_space/pseuds/lostin_space
Summary: After rescuing Alex, it becomes clear that his mental health is at an all-time low.
Relationships: Michael Guerin/Alex Manes
Comments: 10
Kudos: 132





	hold on till may

Michael didn’t know what to expect when he finally got to see Alex again and yet, somehow, he was still caught off guard.

When they’d saved him, Alex had been a helping hand and as clever as always. He helped get himself out of there. Hell, they didn’t even realize he needed a doctor until his adrenaline died down and he passed out. Twelve hours pacing through a hospital later, Michael was finally let in to see him. And he just looked… nothing like Alex.

He was curled up on his side, the shitty hospital blankets wrapped tightly around him for comfort rather than warmth. Michael had to walk all the way to the other side of the bed just to see his face and, even then, it was bowed and shielded. In all the time he’d known him, in all the nights they’d spent together, Michael had never seen him like that.

“Hey,” he whispered, trying not to disrupt things too much. Michael hadn’t slept in days, unable to relax until he was sure he was okay. But now that he knew he was physically okay, he still couldn’t seem to rest. He just needed to talk to him, to make sure he knew that he was loved. “You up?”

“Yeah,” Alex croaked, voice hoarse and followed by a shaky sniffle that broke Michael’s heart. He reached out to touch him three times and moved to sit on the bed twice, but stopped himself. He didn’t know what to do. What was one supposed to do in this situation?

“I’m glad you’re okay,” Michael said instead. Alex didn’t respond. He wanted to touch him so bad, but he wasn’t sure that he was welcome. “A-are you? Okay?”

With a shaky breath, Alex looked up at him. His face was all bruised and his eye (the one that wasn’t swollen shut) was watery. Michael clenched his fists at his sides. He wasn’t sure whether he wanted to destroy the people who hurt him or hold him until he healed, but both of those options didn’t seem plausible. Still… He wanted to help.

“Is Forrest here?” he asked. Michael blinked in surprise at the request. Why would he want Forrest, the guy who’d fucking kidnapped him in the first place? The guy who targeted him after Jesse blackmailed him? Sure, Forrest wasn’t all bad, but he was bad enough. Both Cam and Kyle had weaseled away from Jesse’s hold, why couldn’t he?

“No, fuck him, Alex,” Michael scoffed, shaking his head, “He’s an asshole.”

“And Greg?”

Michael grimaced. “No. Also a dick.”

Instead of agreeing, Alex’s bottom lip quivered and a tear fell from his eye. Then he simply nodded and curled back in on himself. 

“Alex…” Michael said, again reaching out before stopping himself, “Alex, don’t cry over them. They’re pieces of shit and definitely not worth it.”

“I thought he liked me,” Alex said, huffing a laugh before he sniffled again, “And I thought I could trust them. Guess you were right, though.”

“What? Right about what? I never said he didn’t like you or that you couldn’t trust your brother,” Michael insisted. He felt like he was again thrown for a loop, Alex’s train of thought headed to New Orleans while Michael’s could barely reach Santa Fe. 

“You said,” Alex said, a sharp and involuntary inhale shaking his body, “You said that I was stupid for seeing the good in people. You were right.”

“No,” Michael breathed, shaking his head, “No, God, no, you’re not stupid. _I’m_ stupid. You’re amazing a-and strong and you do shit I could never. You’re so good, Alex.”

“I don’t get it. Am I just that easy to walk all over? That hard to like for real? I-I don’t understand. I try _so hard_ to stay positive and it _always_ fucks me over. Why try?” Alex cried, letting go of any control. Michael couldn’t help but do the same, sitting on the bed and putting his hand on his back. Alex didn’t flinch or make any move to get away from him, so he hoped he was welcome.

“Alex, stop. You’re amazing and strong and, and, no, you’re not easy to take advantage of. They’re just assholes, don’t blame yourself for them being bad people. And you’re so likable. You have so many people waiting to see you and they all love you,” Michael gushed, his heart aching more than he thought was possible as he tried to console him. It wasn’t working. “And you try because if you didn’t, who would? Fuck, you’re the reason any of us are alive right now. You’re the only one who never gives up.”

“I’m _tired,”_ Alex cried, shaking and sobbing and, fuck, it was the worst thing ever, “I’m so tired. I just want to stop.”

“Hey, you can stop now. I’ve got you, okay? I’ll man the fort until you’re good again. Rest,” Michael promised. Alex shook his head.

“I’m _tired,”_ he repeated, “I don’t wanna fight anymore.”

Michael stared at him for a moment, holding his breath as he tried to piece together what he was hearing. It didn’t compute. How could he have expected it to? A world without Alex was… No. No, that wasn’t an option.

“No,” Michael said, scrambling onto the bed completely. He maneuvered haphazardly as he got behind Alex, wrapping him up in his arms and trying to make sure he knew he had someone. Trying. Probably failing. “No, hey, no. It’s okay. You don’t mean that.”

“I do,” Alex said, voice small as his sobbing slowly subdued, “I’ve meant it for a long time.”

Michael squeezed him, trying to will away his own tears. Now wasn’t the time. It wasn’t fucking about him. Still, he buried his nose against Alex’s neck, breathing steadily and trying his damnedest to make Alex feel at least something positive. 

“Please, let me help. I promise I’ll lighten the load. Give me some of your problems, let me help. Let me help, let me help,” Michael said, “Please don’t give up. I’ll make it worth it.”

“Michael.”

“No,” he said, “Just let me show you. I’ll make it better. I’ll make everything better. Just hold on. Please. I love you and I need you and, and I swear to God I’ll make it better. You just have to try for a little longer.”

There was a moment where things switched and Michael couldn’t tell if it was a good thing or a bad thing. He held on regardless. But Alex’s cries stopped eventually and his body seemed to go slack.

“Okay,” he said, voice more hollow than it should’ve.

“Okay, you’ll hold on?” Michael clarified. Alex didn’t nod or show any excess emotion. Or any emotion at all.

“Okay,” was all he said.

Which is when Michael realized it was bad. Michael felt selfish which was stupid because he had no reason to. Alex needed to just be pushed and he’d eventually find a place where hew as happy. And, yet, his agreement felt artificial and like it was only because Michael asked. Because even at his lowest he couldn’t say no.

Michael held him until he felt asleep and, even then, he found it hard to peel himself away. But he didn’t have much of a choice. So he did and he tried not to feel so numb as he walked into the waiting room. Instantly, he was swarmed with people asking how he was doing, if he was okay, if he wanted to see anyone.

Instead, Michael just locked eyes with Kyle.

“Can I speak to you for a minute?” he asked. Kyle hesitantly nodded and led him a little ways down the hall. Michael wiped his eyes as they faced each other, trying to stay calm. 

“What’s up?” Kyle asked.

First step of making it better was not being selfish. It was doing something for Alex’s sake.

“What do we have to do to get Alex admitted into an inpatient facility?”

Kyle tilted his head, a grim little look on his face, but he wasn’t shocked. How long had it been this bad? 

It didn’t matter. It was way past the time where Alex needed to share that burden he was carrying, needed someone to help lighten the load. He was crushing under the weight of it. He needed help.

Michael was finally ready to do just that.

**Author's Note:**

> as always if i missed any tags, let me know
> 
> also on my Tumblr: spaceskam


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